Let me be clear here: In the past, when there was one "esoteric" concept I belittled the most then it was the Twin Flame connection...
... yeah. Laugh now. Maybe, you will as I did until it happens to you and gets demystified also for you in all its allurement but also anguish.
And I still believe that there are a lot of people out there who, for example, stay in an unhealthy relationship only because they hold on to this concept, maybe mistaken a person for their Twin Flame or, by the way, Soulmate or whatever and therefore endure all kind of abuse and emotional pain.
But even if you don't fool yourself and have enough evidence that you, beyond doubt, ran into your Twin Flame, that does not mean it is all about a romantic relationship...
I had to learn it the hard way.
I met my counterpart nearly a year ago not realizing the mechanisms going on until a few weeks ago. And I fought a long time with accepting what he represented because the encounters are not easy and I actually and normally don't have the nerves to convince somebody of my worth anymore.
But somehow, he managed to pull me in a back and forth situation with lots of misunderstandings on both sides that left me baffled. I didn't understand myself. Normally, I don't let people play me like that. But somehow, it was never clear which side initiated the misunderstanding, it was as if we communicated in exact the opposite way.
Mirroring, mirroring, we seem to communicate like mirrors... running thoughts like these. I even did not understand some of his messages correctly because I was on the wrong side when answering etc. etc. etc. Very strange.
From being mirrors to each other somehow to suddenly the expression "Twin Flame" popping up in my head... and as I was kind of on loose ends, I gave the definition a reluctant search on the internet.
An other lesson in humility learned. Don't mock anything you have not experienced on your own - so far.
Now, I understood. It is all about coming to truth. And how this unfolds seems to depend on the level of awareness of both persons involved. Therefore, it is for the biggest part about mirroring back to each other old fears and wrongly held mainstream beliefs about what is love. Sounds like a lot of fun, no?! : ) Hell, yes...!
And all "credentials" where given, I just haven't seen them because of my ignorance towards this subject:
- Seeing these shitty numbers 11:11 everywhere. But I just saw it as a sign for me being on the right track towards union in a bigger frame.
- Chakra activation one week before I met him: Suddenly, my lowest Chakra was running wild. I actually never felt something like that before nor did I after that: I was on fire and felt like an animal in heat : ) I was craving like crazy for physical contact with a man.
- Not noticing him for a long time even though in the same room until I suddenly told my sister: I so dearly need physical contact. I should just take that one... looking at him, turning to my sister in utter surprise, whispering: Oh my... He actually IS pretty attractive. But then running when he started to make eye contact...
- But going back two days later and we spent a night together where he mentioned a strange physical sensation he had while being intimate with me...
- All of this happened in Costa Rica but I live in Europe. I am 44, he is 29... That feeling of being very same same but from the outside, we seem to come from opposite worlds and everything on the superficial level speaks against a connection.
- Déja-vus before I actually see him.
- We don't meet often as I only spend two times 4 - 5 weeks a year in Costa Rica. And the last time I was there was this August. Still only feeling much love for this man but accepting that for him it was only a One Night Stand.
This time, as already mentioned, it ended in a five week story of typical back and forth turns, misunderstandings and upflaring old wounds and fears by the immense mirroring effect these encounters have.
- Massive speeding up of my process during these 5 weeks and it is said that this is due to local proximity to your Twin. Incredible phyiscal openings, deep insights and very, very strange events happening around me. Even people around me noticed it and started to ask questions as particularly animals acted out of their nature around me, like being very calm, coming very close etc.
- People, especially men, where drawn to me like moths to a light. It was kind of eery as when they confessed how they feel, I knew that they confused something there. They were not drawn to me as a person... they just felt an opening they can't grasp with a rational mind.
But... On my side: I was not prepared for the impact it all had on me and I blew it. Somehow...
Because towards my Twin, at a certain point I was much too open with my feelings and totally ignored the fact that also he still sees the world through very conditioned eyes. He must have thought that I went totally bunkers and that I only ideologize him even though I don't know any shit from him...
To my own defense: He did not give me any other option. His offerings of going for a drink with pleasure on one day turned into ignoring me deliberately the next day and so on. And as I at first only instinctively and then by facts knew that a connection of some sort is of high importance for the progression of both of us, I pressured.
What happened happened and what shall be will be.
But that is why I would like to write here about it so that others in a similar situation may learn from it.
First and foremost:
- Even if you are absolutely sure that you met your Twin Flame: Don't hold on to it. This connection might be important on a different plane but in 3D, if you are holding on to it too strongly, it can lead to a lot of suffering on both sides.
- Please keep in mind that most people still communicate on a "rational level". They are still very much in the grip of conditioned beliefs and society grit thinking. They misunderstand somebody speaking from their soul very easily for being either very naive or a bit looney. This has to be taken into account when communicating with your Twin but also with other people. Don't share your story with other people. They don't want to hear such things for their own reasons. It is a part of your journey anyway. Leave it there. With you.
- Don't negate the fact that all of this happened or still happens to you but work with it accurately even if you are one of the lucky ones who finds him/herself wound up in a constructive and actual relationship with their Twin. Because, for these couples I think it is even harder:
You still have to let the other person be the mirror for you he or she is meant to be. Under no circumstances should you start to accept certain painful feelings coming up in the relationship for the sake of "not ruining it"!! This bond is here to show you the most important hindering stones to the main goal:
Being able to take the chance and gift which is: shedding old belief structures and projections about "love" and coming to the truth of what love actually is at it's core - unconditional.
Unconditional from your side but also from the other side. And not only in romantic relationships but in all human connections. And beyond.
And so my last episode with my Twin taught me a big lesson:
I am good at giving love but I actually suck at receiving it. Therefore, I am incredibly thankful for this lesson, I am thankful towards him even though I came to this realization because of him acting in a harmful way. And I am thankful towards myself.
My life was no easy path since childhood, it became trickier with Kundalini and now, even more complicated with that mirror being shoved into my face about my still lingering, deep seated twisted beliefs about love and about myself that obviously seem to hinder me to take the next leap.
But I love it all!! And I am thankful beyond words. Yes, I endured hard times in childhood and yes, my path was rocky. Yes, Kundalini is a challenge but therefore being my biggest blessing. And yes, I would have deserved an easy way towards love with a person that can show me all the love he has for me...
... but it is my responsibility to be ready for it. I have to let it sink into my system that I am worthy of love.
When I can't apply it to myself - they way I see MYself, how can I expect to find that one man that thinks the same way as me about love?
I realize, that it is not only about giving, the hard part is to truly receive!!
Unconditional love is still something very rare. You see it in parent - children relationships or similar connections with the same "disparity". In romantic relations, it is extremely rare and demands from both parts to be very mature and at home with themselves or the fear and protection mechanisms go rampant all the time.
For me, true love is something that need not to be caged and it is something that is more felt than having to be assured daily. It should go without words because it is so clearly felt by both that you belong to each other no matter what. True love is not about demanding because you evolved beyond that.
It is about developing next to each other while smiling at each other and encouraging the work the other does for him/herself. Being in awe for each other for the progress you make, for the way you handle also your flaws, your struggles, your ugly sides. See them and laugh together about them in all respect. And you can communicate about what happens to you in certain situations where you feel triggered very openly and as both parties know that it has nothing to do with them, you can dig together into it and find the solutions in the way you were wired for example since childhood.
And what I yearn for as well is to be allowed to be that incredibly sensual woman, oozing out sensuality from every pore of my being while being able to be rest assured that I will not be overriden by my partner because of that. I need that one man who senses my beautiful side of being able to be fully open and being receptive but who will honour this by knowing the limits intuitively. In that, going back and forth between living out the wildest as well as the softest dreams.
This is it. This is what I long for and that is why I know that the next necessary steps are to turn to myself again.
And it needs something else from me: Faith. I have to trust and have faith and make it a given that if someone really loves me, he will have the guts to let me know. Because this is what I deserve. That a true partner will have the courage to show up on my doormat, talking to me in the same language I speak: From the soul, in truth and love. No matter what.
This planet needs a big shift in human thinking. It needs people not being afraid to speak from the heart no matter the personal consequences. People who are bold enough to drop their ego and follow the calls of their soul even if they might be ridiculed along the way.
And that is why I am thankful for this connection that was given to me. It means not only growth on a personal level but seeing the changes being in store for the greater good.
And that is all I can do as my Twin is an entity on his own, totally capable of doing the same for his own sake.
May this affirmation help me and others in a similar situation as well:
My Twin is a beautiful soul. May he be free and happy and feel loved by whomever deserves him. May he be seen for what he is - in all his beauty but also pain. And so be it for me as well. And therefore, may it apply to all of us.