Symptoms: About current cycles, layers, blockages and prayers...
I would like to make an update about my own experiences of direct symptoms. It’s been a year since Kundalini has risen and it seems like I also start a new cycle after that year now. And I am wondering how this is going to unfold with all the changes that already happened.
The energy is stronger than ever before while my mind had a year of time to adapt, calm down and integrate what was happening. Reading about it until the mind was sort of satisfied, finding people who go through the same experience and exchange feelings, fears, insights and just random thoughts – even joking about it, helped a lot. I can state that I have found some of the most beautiful, open, profoundly wise souls among them. And even though we only exchange online, they helped me through some really rough times. They did this by supporting and addressing direct questions with full attention and they did this by raising questions my heart went pregnant with at the exact same time.
And I hope that my sharing might help someone out there as well. Please feel free to address your questions, fears or own insights here whenever you feel like. Some prefer to write me directly and please be sure that you, making contact, are always welcome.
When thinking about how I would explain my main symptoms to somebody, I could best describe it like that:
Ever wanted to put on plastic gloves but couldn’t because they kind of stuck together? What did you do in order to „open“ them?
You probably stuck your fingers into the gloves until you reached the first blockages. You tried to push through them but when you realized that this doesn’t work, you started to pull on the ends of the glove in order to stretch the fabric. With this technique, the sticky parts already losen a bit. In order to blast them fully open, you will end up blowing air into the glove.
When energy is doing that in your body, a mild version of it feels a bit like bubbling or crackling sensations, when strong, it feels like a water jet trying to push through a narrow tube.
What I also sense quite frequently is a kind of jolting. Imagine a water tube getting filled with water but is not fully straight. When the water hits a buckle, the tube kind of jolts and straightens out. That is what it feels like when the energy hits unbalanced parts. It can be accompained by a cracking noise in certain bones or tissues that you certainly feel but sometimes also hear.
That is what Kundalini is doing in my body. It feels exactly that way – 24/7 but not always at the same intensity level.
I feel it the strongest when being alone and focused on myself. It can happen that when I want to watch my favourite series in the evening, laying there all stretched out and relaxed, that at a certain point the pressure that builds up around a block (like right now a lot of pressure in chest and throat area) forces me to sit up as it is more bearable in an upright posture.
The energy also has quite a grip on my fascial muscles and bones, especially around the mouth and jaw but also the nose leading up to the forehead/third eye area. During the night, it happened now on rare occasions that my jaw is being pulled very quickly and forcefully to one side or the other. Luckily, without pain but rather even helping in releasing strong held tensions.
When being awake, I have the capacity to „lead“ the energy to certain areas in the body with my consciousness. I know exactly where my strongest blockages are and when I have the time I guide the energy to these places and let „her“ work there more focused. This will go along with all kinds of emotions that come up and needs some mental preparation therefore. I know about that fact, therefore I need to be willing to deal with whatever comes up.
I often read that I actually shouldn’t do that and that the process should unfold by it’s own pace. But, honestly, when you are dealing with strong blockages, you sometimes are just very tired of it and you want to get through the enormous tension more quickly.
And since you can FEEL now if a problem has been solved or not, you just can’t talk yourself into anything else anymore. If someone tells you that a heart chakra needs three days to open fully, then you „normally“ might think after three days: Oh! Wonderful! I feel so much happier around that area now. I feel like I relate more to love now, I surely trust more... and so on.
But when the energy and not the mind is telling you how it is and after these three days that area still physically cramps under pressure – then there is no way to just gloss over that fact anymore. The energy will not grant you a relief experience physically until you have dealt with that problem on an emotional level thoroughly.... no more sugar coating available. That is what I would call a blessing and a curse at the same time.
Nevertheless, these days, I learned a bit of a lesson regarding being pushy in the process as I had quite a lot of symptoms during one night, intense pressure of energy in the lower back so that I could not find rest and I was so fed up with it. So, I focused all my attention quite angrily on these parts, ranting and swearing about all that pain I just don’t want to be forced to put up with anymore! I screamed in my head: Bring all that shit up once and for all! One big pile of shit to deal with and then I want my f...... peace.
Since then, I am paying with immense problems with the energy in the spine and also in the solar plexus area and it helped me understand that one step at a time might be a good idea : ) Another lesson in humbleness learned.
On an emotional level, I lately dealt with a lot of anger. I had some very strong arguments with whoever is responsible for what we call life.
The beauty about doing this with an awareness of the energies is that it is also here not a dealing with these topics solely on a conscious level anymore. You FEEL the truths to an answer physically as it either leads to more resistance and blockages or you are able to lose some of the tensions. This is how the Kundalini guides you to your own truth. The truth in YOUR body, the truth of YOUR story. And the truth doesn’t care about do’s and don’ts of how you should approach these questions. Stating angrily how fed up you are with how things go on this planet and how incredibly angry you are with god, if there is one... can, in my experience, lead to wonderful openings in your body : )
It becomes experienceable that truth is the truth – no matter what. It has nothing to do with seeing all roses and bloop. It is the truth that you have to feel if you want to get rid of the pain. But sometimes it is hard to look at the truth about how your heart works. What is it craving for? For what reason? Which people have the capacity to make you happy, which ones do you give power to feel being hurt by? Why him/her and not him/her?
The answer might sometimes be a revelation of your character you were not prepared for. A trait you don’t want to be/see. Try to look at it anyways. And when it is staring at you with it’s ugly face, acknowledge it first and then start to peel away the layers... It might turn from ugly to sad to long long buried to anger to THERE I AM! To beautiful... at least to true.
Something else I experienced on a conscious level since being confronted so much with these questions and topics and my own suffering and dealing with my mind: So often, we seem to have found a wonderful way to follow and make sense of life. Ah! My Kundalini awakened! Where does that lead me? Let me read about it. He says... she says... the scripts say... but through the experience of clinging, I came to my own insights about that: As long as you are searching by somehow following, clinging, you won’t get anywhere near the truth... well, or let’s say peace. It is one of these pitfalls and it is there where a lot of Spiritual bypassing starts to happen.
For me, it resonates with my experience when I state: Never follow one teacher nor only one teaching, never take a statement of one who is classified as being very wise as being therefore the truth. ALWAYS question. If the words also resonate without the person attached – good. But learn to trust more in actions than words... of course, also don’t take my word on that but out of my experience, only the ones who really have their own experience are reliable when it comes to leading a fruitful way.
But there are a lot of people out there who seem to talk very wisely. And their words can be helpful even when not experienced by themselves. It still can resonate. And I still like to hear to some of them as they can be helpful in summing up very well for me what they studied.
But the ones who have really experienced for themselves... be sure that they are not "loud". Therefore, they are not easy to find as they for sure don’t make a fuss about their persona and will not allow their followers to make any kind of following around them. And they often have not a big following anyways as they only speak from truth and truth can be a very unconvenient place.
But be also told – again only out of my perspective - that no person nor a teaching, be it wise or phony can ever be blamed to make you or other people cling. It is solely you who decides on what or whom you allow to be your next dogma. Freedom starts where all searching and clinging ends. And as soon as you think the next time: This is it!! This sounds so promising!! I will follow this... Let it go as soon as you are able to.
But also follow your curiosity and the sign posts as long as you have to. You can not drop the searching until you made the experience of not getting anywhere by doing it. If that sounds contradictory – think about it again. YOU. As it is only what experience has teached ME to be true.
So, all in all, my days are completely normal beside the fact that it is now flavoured with a new understanding of life since the energy is vital. That experience was what I needed to be sure about what I already knew: There is something wrong with how we approach life. All the need for humans to strive, to make a career, „to get somewhere“... it has a purpose but when tackling it with a solely mondaine approach, that one important spot in our heart will always feel neglected.
Work – life balance became something new to me. It became more of a life – soul balance I want to cherish: Experiencing daily life with all it’s challenges while being always aware of my soul that needs nourishment in order to strive, develop, unfold.
And the energy is a good indicator for when this balance gets out of hand. I need much more quiet times now where I can be with just me. Laying down, tuning into the body, getting a sense of how the energy feels. Just listening to the energy. Nothing else.
Insights about new perspectives of the nature of reality happen to drop in constantly and the „all“, the „big“ seems to tie in more and more in just the „one“, the „small“. Sometimes, I feel like gaining so much speed in making new discoveries that I not really have time to integrate and work through the one before.
But somehow, that also makes sense as I come to termes with the strong intuition that clinging to any thought and trying to get somewhere with that one is futile anyways... it is a bit like a numbing down process I already see through but can’t stop yet as I seem to just not be ripe for it: I know instinctively that one day I will just have to drop all the clinging to any kind of „right way“. Really and factually letting go of the letting go.
But as I stated above, you somehow can not force the process. You have to walk through it until you reach an honest and fullfilled „That’s it“ from the depth of your experienced heart.
I see it... it seems so easy... but it is a borderline. As letting go from the ego is either a „being fed up“ statement or a trained, lectured, „that-is-how-it’s-been done“ bypassing and has nothing to do with the humble voice of the soul when finally being able to whisper with an open, healed heart: „I’m done“.